Category Archives: Funny

Louisette Interview Age Four

Based on a set of questions from Crappy Pictures, I’ve interviewed Louisette around her birthday at age two, three, and now four:

 

Me: What job do you want to have when you grow up?

Louisette: LOTS of jobs. I want to be a waiter….and work in a cafe. And in the cafe I will make cupcakes. And cakes. And bread.

Me: What makes you feel happy?

Louisette: Being with Dad AND TJ… and you. And I’m with you right now, so I feel happy. And I feel happy when I’m eating bacon.

Me: If you had so much money you could buy absolutely anything, what would you buy?

Louisette: The same bag as anybody in the whole world.

Me: What is the meaning of life?

Louisette: I don’t know. That’s just a silly joke. I know! That’s the question.

Me: What do you love?

Louisette: You.

Me: What makes you feel loved?

Louisette: Dad and you and TJ

Me: What are you afraid of?

Louisette: Without being with a grown up.

Me: If you had one wish, what would you wish for?

Louisette: I wish I could fly.

Me: What is the funniest word?

Louisette: Clowny bowny.

Me: What is the hardest thing to do?

Louisette: Play golf.

Me: What is the easiest thing to do?

Louisette: Ah…aha! Play with a balloon. and make this picture.

Me: What is the best thing in the world?

Louisette: You and TJ and Dad.

Me: What is the worst thing in the world?

Louisette: TJ usually snatches from me so he’s the baddest.

Me: What makes you mad?

Louisette: Someone holding on tight of me and I want to get out.

Me: What is the meaning of love?

Louisette: Bun! [Giggles]

Me: If you had all the money in the world, what would you do with it?

Louisette: Buy a lot of things, like this (her own drawing). Well if we wanted to get a real slide then we need thousands and thousands of money to get that.

[later]

Me: What is life for?

Louisette: Are you getting sleepy?

Me: No Louisette, I just leaned my head back to hear what you’re saying  because we’re in the car. So what do you think life is for?

Louisette: For having…….life!

Me: Great answer.

Louisette: Now I’ll ask you a question.

Me: Okay.

Louisette: Why is Upside Down Town upside down?

Me: Because it’s silly.

Louisette: Why?

Me: Because silly is fun.

Louisette: Like Mr Klickety Kane?

Me: Yes! He’s VERY silly.

 

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Filed under Funny, Love and CJ

“Worst one I’ve played”: Reviewing the Reviewers

It’s finally happened: my first interactive (that is, Choose Your Own Adventure-ish) Australian steampunk novel is wandering unsupervised in the great big world, gathering reviews near and far (and scaring its mother half to death).
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My very first review was the hilarious comment “Worst one I’ve played”, accompanied by one star. I’m genuinely delighted by such a start to proceedings, and could only be happier if a major lobby called for it to be banned.
Moments ago, the very clever and well-respected Emily Short published her review, and said, “All in all, then, this is both the biggest and the best of the Felicity Banks games I’ve tried so far; the worldbuilding is more extensive and the plot better structured.”
She also said the beginning was nicely paced while the end was rushed… which is funny since another reviewer said the beginning was boring but don’t worry because it gets better once you get into it.
People say, “Don’t read your reviews” but with material like this, how could I resist?
It’s on Amazon (after 20 reviews – positive or negative – Amazon will start promoting the book for me for free!!), Apple itunesGoogle, and Google Chrome.
 
Or you can play directly through the publisher’s web site, here. That’s the simplest if you’re not tech savvy (although you’ll need a credit/debit card there).

On most sites, it LOOKS like the game is free, and has in-app purchases. This is just a backwards way of saying, “You can read the first bit before you pay for the rest.” It’s a one-off $5 payment.

I’ve started up a facebook page just for this specific gamebook (discussion, reviews and steampunk/Victorian-era fun), at https://www.facebook.com/attackoftheclockworkarmy/

And of course the Sydney Launch is at the Freecon at 11am today/Sunday (Garry’s even promised me wine, and I know there are lollies because I brought a huge pile). If you’re in Sydney, you can just show up:
O.E.S. Amenities centre, 190 William Street EARLWOOD, Clemton Park shops, next to the ‘Thai-in-a-box’ shop, about half way between the Bexley Rd. / William St. intersection and Main St., Clemton Park.
Bus routes M41, 400, 412, 423, and 473 all pass near the Freecon venue, Campsie (Bankstown Line) and Bexley North (East Hills line) stations are nearby.
I’ve been working non-stop to get the rumbling engine of promotion moving, and I now have a weird feeling that I’ve managed to start something I can’t stop. That’s the entire point of the whole thing, but that doesn’t mean it’s not scary to see the train suddenly belch fire and clatter off beyond my control.
Good luck, little e-baby. I know your friends are out there.

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Filed under Advanced/Publication, Daily Awesomeness, Funny, I get paid for this, Interactive Fiction, My Novels, Reviews, Steampunk, Steampunk Australia Stories, Well written, Writing Advice

Missing person? What missing person?

2015-04-22 18.26.10

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April 23, 2015 · 09:42

Funny Faces

These are the photos of Louisette that I find funny – often just because of her facial expression. Only the birthday cake photo was posed – the rest just happened.

0-1 month:

img_0014No! Not without makeup on!

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Ninja baby only pretends to sleep.


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Fart face.

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What on EARTH is that pink flailing thing, and why is it following me?!?

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The eternal, “Huh?”

1-2 months:

Image

Mmm, tasty.

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Mwa haha! They’ll never catch me!

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Suspicious baby.

img_0030Oh no! They’re on to me!

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Okay, this one was posed (or was it?)

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I respectfully disagree.

2-3 months:

img_0018And this one (the hard part is always getting the zip done up, am I right?)

img_0002_11That bag was a lifesaver while travelling (it’s designed as a stroller insert, and worked great as a handbag/cot).

img_0031I’m watching you, Mr Elephant. Don’t make any sudden moves.

img_0032Could I be any more ladylike?

img_0033Music! Flashing lights! Arg!

3-4 months:

img_00032Winner!

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Nom nom.

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I’m so nervous chewing my nails just isn’t enough.

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Holding Hands With A Boy.

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I would have got away with it too, if it wasn’t for those darn kids.

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A-a-almost got it. . .

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Why does that giraffe have a rainbow shoved through its skull?

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Flipper baby

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Okay, I can explain! See there was this thing, and then I just. . .

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Yo, bring me a cold one, wouldya?

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First dates are always so awkward. What am I meant to say?

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Pfft.

4-5 months:

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What could possibly go wrong?

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Look what I caught!

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Why won’t the book open?

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Darn it, I KNEW I’d forgotten something!

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They grow old so fast.

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Sneaking up on the enemy.

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Drop bear.

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I can eat the caterpillar, and my hand, and the world – simultaneously.

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Sadly, her actual hair.

5-6 months:

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Fascinated by her cousin.

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Why do you want to eat the table, sweetheart?

Because it’s there.

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Obviously hiding SOMETHING.

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Kissing frogs.

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Easy to hold onto, not so easy to put in her mouth.

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And the feeling is mutual.

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Whatever works.

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Mirror, mirror – who on earth is in there?

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Suspicion versus further fascination.

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Dressed as the hungry caterpillar, and hungry for the hungry caterpillar book. (The combination of outfit and book was deliberate.)

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Yeaaaaahh!

6-7 months:

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and three seconds earlier:

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How does she already know she wants lollies? She’s not on solids yet.

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Nom nom.

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Saucepan!!!!! Woooohooooo!!!!!!!!!!

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Thanks, poppy. I’ll be taking that now.

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Would you keep down that racket?

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And then the Irishman said, “I’ll be having mine with potatoes!”

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Mine.

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Once she could crawl, it suddenly got very difficult to keep her in frame.

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But I LIKE drinking this way.

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Wassamatter?

8-9 months:

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Nom nom.

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Mine.

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Hark! Is that Prince Charming, come to take me away on his white horse?

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Just not that impressed.

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Box!!!! Wooo!!

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Mister? Mister, wake up!

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Her natural hairstyle.

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Being a baby takes a lot of concentration.

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Nom nom.

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Yes, she’s blowing a raspberry (her idea; she invented the technique without ever seeing it done). Yes, that’s a grand piano in the background.

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Nom nom.

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I believe I mentioned she suddenly became a great deal harder to photograph. This represents 90% of the photos I’ve taken ever since.

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Nom nom.

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Buddy? Are you okay up there?

9-10 months:

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Punk princess.

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Pushing boundaries.

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Still working on that “eating” technique.

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Bad hair day.

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Yes, she’s genuinely asleep with her face on her own legs.

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Eating a peg and apparently kind of angry about it.

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What do you mean she’s not a chew toy? (This is after repeated attempts at sucking on her littlest cousin – not all of them unsuccessful.)

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This is such a drag.

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Is it coffee time or what?

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Talk to the hand.

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Baby death-glare.

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Truth in advertising (read her shirt).

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Mmm. . . coke. . .

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And THIS is how I get dow—arg!

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About time somebody cleaned up around here.

10-11 months:

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Hurrah!

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Eeevil baby.

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A little but of shush, please. I’m talking.

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Ten seconds later:

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Leggo of me, Poppy! I’m doing fine.

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Would she gain the ability to reach the presents before Christmas? It was a close-run thing.

11-12 months:

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Nome nom. a24.12.12.4

Nom nom.

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Who says you need a dog to tidy up?

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Marry me, Justin Bieber!!!!

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I ordered my latte five minutes ago. Where IS that incompetent new assistant of mine?

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Is there something on my face?

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Aargg, noooo!!!

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Aaaalmost there. . . .

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Not happy, Jan.

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Cleanliness is next to annoyingness.

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I gotta drink up before they find me.

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Eureka! One year old!

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Filed under Funny, Project 365: A picture a day for a year

Kissing Frogs

They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before  you find your prince. Louisette is getting started early.

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Strange Kitten

So Ana has decided that our bathroom is her favourite place to be.

The bath is fine. The sink is sort of fine. Eccentric, sure. Slightly odd when a giant fuzzy thing emerges above the rim while you’re on the loo at 2am – certainly. But it’s better than this:

Here’s hoping it’s just one of those phases a girl goes through. . .

Next week we’ll be in HONG KONG! Yay us! Which also means our house and catsitters will be dealing with this for the next two weeks. 🙂 And of course I’ll be blogging about all the awesome stuff we do, including a visit to a pirate’s cave.

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That’s not a poo-splosion, THIS is a poo-splosion!

I rarely use exclamation marks. This one is, believe me, deserved. Time for a daily awesomeness that uses the OTHER meaning of “awesome”.

Alternate title: The Bum-Gun.

Picture the scene: It’s 5:00am and all is quiet except for a stirring infant and her mother; a woman light-headed and blurry from lack of sleep. It’s time for a feed and – judging by the smell – a nappy change.

The mother cuddles the infant and places her on the change table. She skillfully scoops up a very full load of nappy without letting it spill and stain the baby’s clothes or wrap. She drops it in the nappy bin and reaches for the wipes with a smirk of self-congratulation.

That’s when it happens.

Pow! Blam! Squirt!

A stream of liquid poo shoots up (yes, up) and out (yes, out) at a 45 degree angle (yes, a 45 degree angle) hitting the mother’s hair and spraying across the carpet and furniture.

The mother emits an inarticulate noise of shock and awe. She freezes, thinking, “Did that just happen?”

It did. Oh yes, it did. There is no mistaking the angle of attack: The evidence lies, warm and pungent, half a metre above the scene of the crime. In my hair. So much for gravity.

Five centimetres to the left, and I’d have copped it in the mouth.

Is this the face that conceals a startling secret weapon?

It is. Oh yes, it is.

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Filed under Daily Awesomeness, Funny