As usual, my friend and I played drinking games (“Whenever there’s a dramatic key change/item of clothing removed/needless acrobatics/etc) with lollies. Hence the enormous bowl of lollies.
The best song of the night by far wasn’t the winner. . . it was the song by host Petra Mede. Try it; you’ll like it (don’t freak out at the non-English opening) – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwgcivdWnUA
The winner was Denmark, who was awfully cute – the song was the inevitable side-effect of a pixie woman with a thing for tin whistles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k59E7T0H-Us I actually pretty much agree with this choice, although my personal favourite was (unbelievably) even cuter – Malta (ignore the first 44 seconds): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LchnYSvdUzk – a cross between “Friends” and “Sesame Street” as one tweeter described it.
Ok! Now the relative sanity is done, who was the most eurovisiony Eurovision this year???
In a haze of alarming eyebrows, Shiva-style backup dancers, and wind machines frantically attacking skirts, here are the best of the best:
6. It started with a pair of betasselled legs birthing from a giant disco ball. I was sufficiently dazzled to remember absolutely nothing else about the song (you’ll have to sit through another 44 seconds of normalcy for this one – although there are some monkeys towards the end): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0Focy6JtVI.
5. The Most Amazing Prop Ever (you’ll know it when it. . . . activates. In the meantime, the hair alone will entertain you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWdHkjAUjUc)
4. The upside down metaphor mirror man in a box (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GX3-TvKw88).
3. Do you like bogan wedding dresses, startling costume changes, a somewhat out of context kiss, and emotional manipulation? Then this song is for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uxtGRWCvIU. According to her interview, she wrote it for her boyfriend. Apparently he decided not to get the hint….ouch! Incidentally, she’s not actually saying what you think she’s saying in the chorus (it’s “FOR you FOR you FOR you”. When you hear it, you’ll be wondering too).
2. Men in kilts (running), a luminous trumpet, an accordian, and a moustache-wearing man who just doesn’t react to anything. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsHdCjLnWtA. Oh, Greece. Your song is called “Alcohol is Free” and clearly it WAS free for your choreographers.
And far and away the greatest performance of the night…..I won’t say too much, but you might just meet a falsetto volcano vampire in a dark alley if you travel to ROMANIA anytime soon. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV3xp5ZXSYA