Having a child is a strange thing. I know I’ll be a huge, huge influence on her (and CJ will be too). Some of her future is mine to choose, some of it is mine to accidentally give her (and cringe when I see, later, what effect my actions have had on her). Some of who she is in the future will come seemingly out of nowhere.
But I can try and give her a good life and a good heart, so despite all the awryness of plans that will happen, I do spend time thinking about how to raise Louisette and who I’d like her to be. The other day, I thought, “If I could pick her faults, what would I choose?”
My first thought was that it’d be nice if she was overconfident – filled with unstoppable optimism.
But then I realised that could cost her the ability to grow up and function – if she was too far from rational, too blissed out to bother ever putting effort into anything. Or if it related to her physical limits (or ability to drive) it could get her killed.
So I thought, “How about vanity? What if she walked around utterly sure of herself, her looks, her worth?” But I know that would cause people to dislike her. A certain class of person would be determined to bring her down to earth, and would try to cause her to fail at whatever she tried to do.
But if she was insecure – if that was her flaw – they wouldn’t. No-one would hate or hurt her.
My thoughts crunched gears there, as I wondered if I’d just wished my little girl was insecure – because people hate a woman who’s too sure of herself, but they’ll accept one who’s not sure enough.
Later on, I thought, “What if she was an overconfident boy?”
I bet she’d do just fine.
On the up side, this is one little girl who will always know there’s one man who loves her unconditionally. That’s worth plenty.